smell my finger.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
