So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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