I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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