lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
