guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
