make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
