I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
