i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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