the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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