3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
