If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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