this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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