Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
