Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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