True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
