If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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