so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
