look no pants
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
