i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You ruined the universe
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize