Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
