babies were throwing up all over the place
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
