So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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