and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
