From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
