Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
