We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
