matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
