Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize