the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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