So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
