Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
