i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
