this beer tastes like vomit already
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Are my feet made of real feet?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
