I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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