im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
