why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
