fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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