dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
