dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
