Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
