this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
