o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
