SEEEEXXX PLEASE
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize