he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
