hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
