Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
