anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
