she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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