Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
