is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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