I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
