I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
