I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
