Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
