my room smells like sperm. sweet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize