Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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