This is not my ceiling
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
