He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
