yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
