Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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