Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
