he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
