Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize