So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
