how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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