Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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