I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
