I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
