She said her name was "party"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize