JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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