My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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