If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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