ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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