No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
